To The Women Whom I’ve Loved and Lost |

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To the women whom I’ve loved and lost:

Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans and antics

Thank you for giving hope to this hopeless romantic

And to the one that got away, I hold you in my memory banks at all costs

To the one that could be my baby’s mother and to the one that should be my Misses

I never meant to hurt you

And apologize for leaving you emotionally scarred

I want you to know, it wasn’t that I was emotionally unavailable;

Pretending I didn’t care for you when you left was incredibly hard

You gave me the kiss of life

Yet my foolish pride turned a piece of paradise into a cemetery of kisses

Maybe I deserve to watch you get married

Maybe a part of me died the day you miscarried

Maybe a fistful of tears is too much to carry

To the woman whom I’ve loved and lost,

May you find it in your heart to forgive me?

If my inability to love you gently led you to leave behind a trail of broken men,

Please forgive me

And to the woman that reads my poetry and can’t understand how I find it hard to express love:

I’m not blackhearted, I don’t have a blackheart

Black Love is beautiful, loving you is easy,

However, I’m learning how to accept love

I’m opening the dialogue to express love, albeit through a poem

I know you think I don’t have feelings

I’m learning to put my vulnerability out there,

Understand, I want to be a better man, I want to right my wrongs

I’ve been deflecting my insecurities for years,

To communicate better, I literally write my wrongs

Incidentally, my languages of love have destroyed women that I truly love;

If you look into my heart you’ll see, I wanna build God Body Knowledge

But my demons are living with me

I got feelings, I just lost a portion with each abortion;

You cannot love me if I don’t love myself,

I still ain’t forgive me

If you can’t understand how I’m antisocial yet social,

Please forgive me

I know my INFJ Myers Briggs is hell

But I see heaven in your eyes,

May you be patient with me?

–@StevieStreets #ode #tothewomenionceloved | To The Women Whom I’ve Loved and Lost